Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
