omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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