im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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