I showed him my bush... on skype.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
