Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
