so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
