from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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