i was born a porn star she said
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i've created a new STD.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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