I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
