I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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