Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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