I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
