Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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