I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
