I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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