So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
