hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
