I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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