i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize