just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
