why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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