What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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