I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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