Im at strip club and am horny
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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