Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
