You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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