Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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