sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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