I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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