I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He did a backflip because drugs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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