she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
