Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
