tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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