you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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