and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
