The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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