Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
