Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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