For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
