guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
