Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
