i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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