Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
