the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
