new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
