big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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