Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
