I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
