i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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