I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
