I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
