This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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