so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
