There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
