My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
