Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
