My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
