Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
