Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
