I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
