It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
