And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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