I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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